A Remnant and a Turk: Driving
by Vampire Turk
Summary: What happens when Reno needs a ride to work. Written as an early dialogue/script attempt, and based on a scene from 'The Big Bang Theory'. Rated for language, car and Turk abuse.


Kadaj: *drops on couch and starts to doze off* . . .  
Reno: *walks in, cracking his knuckles*  
Kadaj: *opens one eye groaning* Go away, Turk . . .  
Reno: *doesn't notice the threatening tone* Hey, Kadaj?  
Kadaj: *looks up glaring* What do you want?  
Reno: I was wondering if you could give me a ride - I'm supposed to be meeting up with some friends around 7  
Kadaj: *eyes narrow* I don't think so  
Reno: *whine* But why? It's not that far, and I'll pay for gas  
Kadaj: *grouchy* I already had to drive my brothers earlier, and I don't want to deal with you. Go take the bus and leave me alone *drops head in pillow, trying to sleep*  
Reno: Umm, I can't do that  
Kadaj: *eyebrow twitch* And why not?  
Reno: Well, the last time I accidentally set off an alarm - apparently, buses have a sprinkler system. The kind that go off when there's smoke?  
Kadaj: . . . Since when do you smoke?  
Reno: I don't - someone lit a newspaper and set off the alarm. I got blamed and banned from the bus system  
Kadaj: *closes eyes* I am not driving you, and that is final . . .

**~ Twenty minutes later- in Kadaj's car ~**

Kadaj: *eyes focused on road scowling* I hate you, Reno . . .  
Reno: *fiddling with the radio*  
Kadaj: Reno, stop it *swats hand* Quit messing with the dial  
Reno: *shrugs* Whatever . . .  
_- random car speeds into lane, almost side-swiping Kadaj's car -_

Kadaj: Kuso! *slams on brakes*  
Reno: *hits face on dashboard* Oww! *shifts back into seat, holding a bloody nose* What the hell was that for?!  
Kadaj: *smacks Reno upside the head*I told you to put your seatbelt! You're as bad as Loz!  
Reno: *scowls, snapping on seatbelt* Jerk . . .  
Kadaj: Idiot . . .  
_-silence- _

Reno: *glances at Kadaj, then points at dashboard* What's that light?  
Kadaj: *does not take eyes off the road* It says Service Engine - why?  
Reno: Don't ya think you should take this to the shop?  
Kadaj: *glares at Reno* It's been a week, and this car's been running just fine  
Reno: Wouldn't it be a good idea to-  
Kadaj: *sharply* It would be a good idea to shut your trap right now, Reno - I don't think you want to walk, do you?  
Reno: Fine . . . *under breath* sourpuss . . .  
Kadaj: *warning tone* Reno . . .  
Reno: What?  
Kadaj: *pulls car over to side of road* Get out  
Reno: But I'm not even close! Come on, Kadaj - please?  
Kadaj: *death glare* Now, Reno  
Reno: *pouts* Please?  
Kadaj: Ughhh . . . Fine - one more little quip out of you and you're walking, Turk  
Reno: *grins* No problem  
Kadaj: *rolls eyes* Just shut up - you have no idea how much I desire wanting to strangle you . . .  
Reno:*under his breath* You, Bossman, and Shacho combined . . . *starts messing with the radio again*  
Kadaj: *keeps focused on road and traffic*. . . *picks up traveling mug and takes a sip*  
Reno: *glances at Kadaj* Are you trying to kill us? That's distracting, ya know  
Kadaj: I don't need a constant reminder of driving distractions - Yazoo does enough of that already . . . I don't need to hear it from you  
Reno: Still . . . at least I don't drink when I'm flying the chopper  
Kadaj: *shakes head* Reno, I swear - I will turn around and drive you back home if you don't stop  
Reno: Eh . . .*props feet on dashboard*  
Kadaj: *swats Reno on the shoulder with travel mug* Get your damn feet off the dashboard! I just had that cleaned yesterday!  
Reno: *grimaces, rubbing shoulder* So what? It'll get dirty again, whether or not I put my feet up there. Relax, Kadaj - you're like Elena when it comes to cleanliness  
Kadaj: *tightens grip on steering wheel* I'm not kidding about making you walk, Reno  
Reno: Geez, take a chill pill . . . *lightbulb goes off*say, how about we play a game?  
Kadaj: *silently considering whether to crash the car or quickly slam on brakes again*  
Reno: Let's play 20 Questions - I'll start  
Kadaj: Not interested . . .  
Reno: Okay . . . hmm, it is an animal? Yes . . . is it small? Yes-  
Kadaj: I didn't mean play the game with yourself!  
Reno: Oh *goes silent* . . . so, how's life?  
Kadaj: Reno, do NOT talk to me - this is why I appreciate the car radio  
Reno: *glares, crossing arms* Ya know, you really do have a stick up your-  
Kadaj: *honks car horn, throwing a birdie out window*LEARN TO DRIVE, KUSOTTARE!  
Reno: *stares at Kadaj* . . . How long have you been hanging out with Highwind?  
Kadaj: I learned that from you, Reno  
Reno: *swallows, scared* O-Okay then . . . *eyes the window button* What does this do?  
Kadaj: *sarcasm* It's the switch for the ejector seat . . .  
Reno: Really ?  
Kadaj: *death glare directed towards Reno* No - stop distracting me  
Reno: *raised eyebrow* How am I distracting you?  
Kadaj: You keep messing with things! How the hell am I supposed to drive you anywhere if you won't stop it?!  
Reno: For starters, you need to lighten up. Second, think of this as a test to prove you can really drive *pats shoulder* From what I see, you're doing pretty well  
Kadaj: *scowls, twitching* Damn it - I'm going to have to fill up the car again . . . *pulls into a gas station, and turns off engine* Stay in the car, and don't do anything stupid *gets out of car and shuts door*  
Reno: *mimics Kadaj: 'Stay in the car and don't do anything stupid' - Meh, like I'd do that . . . *gets out of car and slips into the Stop N'Go store*  
Kadaj: *comes back to car, noticing Reno is gone* Damn Turk - how the hell does he still have a job?  
Reno: *reappears with pack of smokes and a bottle of soda* Yo  
Kadaj: *glares* I thought I told you to stay in the damn car!  
Reno: *sighs shaking head* What? I was thirsty  
Kadaj: *eyes the cigarettes* I though you said you don't smoke  
Reno: These aren't for me - I owe Tseng a pack from last time  
Kadaj: *rolls eyes* Get in the car. Now.  
Reno: Fine, picky . . . *drops soda* Ooops . . . *picks it up and gets in*  
Kadaj: *not looking at Reno as he gets in* You open that bottle in the car - you DIE, understand me ?  
Reno: Relax, Kadaj - it'll be fine in a few minutes. It won't explode - don't worry about it  
Kadaj: *shakes head* Right . . .  
Reno: *taps bottle cap* See? *slowly opens cap*  
_- soda spills all over the dashboard, including the floor carpets, Kadaj and Reno -_

Kadaj: *stops in the middle lane, pressing emergency flashers button* Get. Out.  
Reno: What ?  
Kadaj: *opens Reno's door and kicks him in the side, knocking him out of the car* I said GET OUT!  
Reno: *lands on pavement facefirst* Oww . . . *gets up to see Kadaj speed away* Hey!  
_-silver Hyundai Genesis Coupe speeds past Reno, then stops and comes back in reverse - _

*window of car rolls down* Reno?  
Reno: *shields eyes from sun* Yeah? *blinks* Yazoo?  
Yazoo: Yes, Turk?  
Reno: I thought Kadaj said he had to drive you and Loz around  
Yazoo: He only had to drop us off to pick up this car - you waiting for someone?  
Reno: Uh, not really - can I get a ride?


End file.
